this is a convo i had with a friend who used to work in the ER.
imagine.. American Pie.
Band Camp to the ER.
read on...


TrumpetStrumpetJ: Lets try this stupid shit again! I hate AIM
Abda53bd: lol
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Shit keeps freezing up on me
Abda53bd: kiss it
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Punch it!
TrumpetStrumpetJ: BUt I learned my lesson already. hit the old computer monitor. broke my finger. Monitor 1, Jill 0
Abda53bd: at least you didnt have to take your monitor in to the ER with you to get it removed.. lol
TrumpetStrumpetJ: True
Abda53bd: taking cybersex to a whole new level. lol
TrumpetStrumpetJ: hahaha
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Thats the one thing I didn't see up someones ass when I worked in xray.....computer parts. Saw everything else though
Abda53bd: lol
Abda53bd: tell me more stories
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Of what what up peoples ass?
Abda53bd: yeah hahaha
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Dear God I could write a book
Abda53bd: lets hear it
TrumpetStrumpetJ: HUndred and hundreds of sex toys.....that was the most common
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Then we had bottles....
TrumpetStrumpetJ: of hot sauce, a CLearly Canadian bottle....
TrumpetStrumpetJ: CC boy though got a bit frisky though and also had 2 golf balls
Abda53bd: haha what else
TrumpetStrumpetJ: A frozen trout
Abda53bd: lol you told me about that one
(story on the frozen trout - this girl comes in.. she was using a frozen trout to masterbate.. and it got stuck. she went to the er. they were about to pull it out and it started to melt.. then the gills opened up and caught inside her and it got stuck again)
Abda53bd: and the dildo guy where he waited for 3 hours for the battery to die before going into the ER. lol
TrumpetStrumpetJ: one of those tube like things of 1LB hamburger
Abda53bd: tube like things?
TrumpetStrumpetJ: yeah, that was my very first foreign body so that will always hold a special place in my heart
Abda53bd: lol
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Yeah, ever seen ground beef come in the little 1 lb packages but its kinda like a long package
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Looks like a great big hotdog
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Some dude hopped out of the ambulance.....
TrumpetStrumpetJ: with his foot stuck in his boyfriends ass
Abda53bd: LMAO
TrumpetStrumpetJ: That had us all laughing
Abda53bd: hahaha
TrumpetStrumpetJ: a lady and her husbands German Shepard
TrumpetStrumpetJ: That came in through the ER
Abda53bd: the dog got stuck?
TrumpetStrumpetJ: yes
TrumpetStrumpetJ: In her ass
Abda53bd: LOL
Abda53bd: did you call the cops on her too?
Abda53bd: or was it an "accident" lol
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Dude came and picked up his dog yelling "Fuck you you crazy bitch" all the way down the hall out of the hospital
Abda53bd: LMAO
Abda53bd: guess he didnt know
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Those are the hardest ones to keep a straight face on
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Lots of candles were "lost"
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Saw a guy with 6 of those long taper candles up there
Abda53bd: lmao
Abda53bd: youd think youd stop after 1
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Wiffle ball bat
Abda53bd: lol
TrumpetStrumpetJ: That one had a good story with it though
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Apparently he lived in an apt on the third floor....was in his room...got it stuck, tried to pull it out...started bleeding....
TrumpetStrumpetJ: called 911...his daughter was in the living room....EMTs knock on the door, she answers...
Abda53bd: LOL
TrumpetStrumpetJ: claims no one from there called 911.....they asked if anyone else was home
TrumpetStrumpetJ: She said "Dad is sleeping in his room." They ask to speak with him...
Abda53bd: how old is his daughter?
TrumpetStrumpetJ: I think she was 14 or so
TrumpetStrumpetJ: right around there...
Abda53bd: haha
TrumpetStrumpetJ: so EMTs go into dads room...they can't pull it out because they can rip the intestines, causing spetic shock and he could die
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Wrap him in a robe and out the door he goes with this bat in his ass.....
Abda53bd: damn how far up it was it?
Abda53bd: hahaha
TrumpetStrumpetJ: but then he has to go down the stairs...
TrumpetStrumpetJ: And at every step the bat hit the stairs and got shoved farther up his ass with each step
Abda53bd: hahaha
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Stupid fucker
Abda53bd: thats hilarious
Abda53bd: what else?
TrumpetStrumpetJ: ummm...we had one dude who was one of our mental patients
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Had this thing about putting things in any hole in his body
Abda53bd: haha
TrumpetStrumpetJ: so he swallows the entire contents of a jewelry box.....
Abda53bd: lol
TrumpetStrumpetJ: earrings, necklaces, rings from his esophagus to his anus.....
TrumpetStrumpetJ: and then I found OPEN safety pins in his urethra
Abda53bd: geez
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Ummmmm...what else
TrumpetStrumpetJ: chicken bones
Abda53bd: where? lol
TrumpetStrumpetJ: urethra
Abda53bd: ow
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Guess he really had a boner!
Abda53bd: LMAO
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Pool balls in the ass
TrumpetStrumpetJ: 4
TrumpetStrumpetJ: You wouldn't believe what can really fit up there
TrumpetStrumpetJ: oh, and a hammer....not the handle...but the entire fuckin hammer.....clawnail remover and all
Abda53bd: how.. why? how do they plan on getting it out?
TrumpetStrumpetJ: surgery
TrumpetStrumpetJ: he claimed he was tortured
TrumpetStrumpetJ: we werent allowed to ask questions
Abda53bd: yeah im sure
TrumpetStrumpetJ: But it was funny
TrumpetStrumpetJ: Always good for a laugh in the break or light room